Privacy Policy

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At Husbands Vs Wives on Amazon, we understand that privacy isn’t just a right — it’s a survival tactic. This policy explains how we protect your information from wives, Amazon, delivery drivers, and anyone who says “Oh that? I ordered it weeks ago.”

What Information We Collect

We collect only the essentials:

• Your name (or alias like “Box Victim #47”)
• Your email address (not the one tied to Amazon, obviously)
• Emotional damage caused by phrases like “It was basically free”
• Approximate number of packages received “this month” (we don’t judge… much)

We do not collect:

• Your wife’s login
• Her wish lists
• Her saved-for-later graveyard
• Anything that would get you yelled at

How We Protect Your Information

We use husband-grade security, including:

• Military-level secrecy (or at least fantasy football-league level)
• Passwords your wife will never guess (do not use the dog’s name)
• Encryption so strong even Amazon can’t recommend something based on it
• Automatic data camouflage labeled “Nothing Important”

If your wife asks, we tell her this site is:

• “Work stuff”
• “Fantasy football”
• “Something boring”
• Or simply “Nothing”

Will We Share Your Information?

Absolutely not.

We will never share your information with:

• Your wife
• Her friends
• Her group chat
• Amazon
• The delivery driver (even though he already knows your pain)

The only people who may see anonymous data are:

• Other husbands
• Therapists
• Researchers studying how one household ends up with 11 identical throw blankets

Cookies 🍪

Yes, we use cookies.

They are strictly for:

• Remembering your session
• Tracking your emotional progress
• Making sure you didn’t already tell this story last week

They are not used to:

• Trigger ads
• Suggest storage bins
• Recommend “Frequently Bought Together”

Data Security

Your data is stored:

• Behind digital locks
• Inside emotional walls
• Buried deeper than the “Returns” section of Amazon

If a data breach ever occurs, we promise to:

• Panic responsibly
• Notify you immediately
• Blame Prime Day

Your Rights

You have the right to:

• View your information
• Delete your information
• Deny everything if questioned at home

Requests can be made anytime, preferably when your wife is distracted by a delivery notification.

Final Assurance

Your secrets are safe with us.

Your information is protected.

And most importantly — nothing from this site will ever end up in the Amazon cart.

That’s a promise. 🔒📦